A BULLET DODGED?? DATING AFTER FIFTY

I haven’t posted in a while. School started, and it takes me a few weeks to adjust. I’m going to relate something that happened, and I hope I get a few comments. I hooked up with a guy through the online dating service I joined. I was really optimistic and excited. He seemed nice, and I really liked his picture. I asked him what he did for a living, and he told me he is a wildlife photographer, and that his late wife had worked for the UN, so he’d been all over the world. Now, what would you think?

I thought, Cool! And of course I was anxious to see his work.

He also told me that he would be away for a month on assignment, so we weren’t going to meet for a while. Since I prefer to chat for a bit anyway, that was fine.

Now, wouldn’t you Google the guy? I mean, wouldn’t you be interested in seeing his work, finding out more about him, see who publishes his work? I know that was my first inclination. I couldn’t find a thing. If he ever sold a picture to any professional journal, book, magazine or anything digital or print, wouldn’t you think he’d pop up? If he really had his own business, wouldn’t you think he’d have an Internet presence?? A website?? How does he get clients? I found zilch, not even an address or city of residence. Can we spell “red flag?”

I have brothers. They were both single at one time. I got to talking to one of them, the one who had been single the longest, and this is what he told me. If you can’t find any evidence that this guy exists, then he probably doesn’t, not in the way he’s presented himself anyway. Guys lie. On the Internet, a guy can be anything and anyone he wants to be, and he’s just scamming you.

No. Can’t be. I went into this completely open and trusting because I’m sincere about finding someone. Don’t tell me after all these years I am still NAIVE! Ah, but I am. I emailed the man in question, told him I couldn’t find anything about him or his work on the Internet, and asked him to direct me to a place where I could see his work.

I hoped he would say, “Oh, sure. Go to such-and-such journal, issue whatever, or I’ll send you some samples. I want to put your concerns to rest.” Believe me, with all of my heart I hoped he would show some desire to address my concerns. He did not. He told me it was rude and impolite to look him up.

Hah! I got an earful about how rude and impolite I was. Like it’s not rude to make shit up??

I’m sure there are women out there who have experienced worse, gotten involved with con-artists, or jerks who are much worse. Aren’t there any sincere guys out there??

WINK, WINK

The way this online dating service works is, you find someone you’re interested in, and you send them a wink. If they’re interested too, they wink back. Once the winks are winked, emails are sent. Up until today, every wink I sent (but one) was rejected. Ouch! The one who winked back never answered my email. Double ouch!

I changed my profile, thinking that if I kept it funny and lighthearted, that might help me get more winks. It didn’t. I went winkless for days. Sigh. Today I got a flurry of winks. One from a man several states away. No thanks. Two from widowers with young children still at home. Again, no thanks.

I’m 56 freakin’ years old, people. I’m done raising children. Duh!

They were very nice emails though, so I told them both they were lovely men, and that I was certain they would find the women of their dreams if they kept looking.

WHERE THE HELL IS MY DREAM MAN?? IN my dreams, most likely.

I’ll keep at it. Please, share your own experiences with online dating if you feel so inclined. I could use the support.

DATING AFTER FIFTY: The Personal Profile

What does one say on their personal profile? The men I’ve been attracted to had profiles that stood out for some reason. Mostly the ones that were humorous caught my attention. So, since I’ve been getting nowhere with the winks, I changed my profile. I think it’s funny, but nothing has changed. My tagline reads: Looking for flawed? Look no further, here I am.

Do you think this is off-putting? Did I go too far over the top? Maybe it should read: Looking for Perfection? We’re all flawed, and the older we get, the more pronounced the flaws.

I can see how this might really demoralize a person, male or female. I’m giving it three months and no more.

bl

DATING AFTER FIFTY: I suppose I should explain . . .

I suppose I should explain how/why I’m using this blog spot to journal about my foray into the world of dating. This blog began in 2008 when a group of aspiring writers finaled in a writing contest through RomanticTIMES Magazine, and Dorchester Publishing. I was fortunate to be one of them, so I am one of the 8 blog owners.

The contest ended. We all went our separate ways, and this blog was orphaned. LOVE CONQUERS. Doesn’t that seem like a good title for someone looking for partnership? I thought so. I’m adopting the orphan.

As of today, I haven’t managed to connect with a single match through this online dating service. Does this mean nobody wants me? Maybe, but so what? I have a life, friends, things I’m passionate about. I have a family, and I’m pretty sure they love me . . . most of the time. I’m secure with who I am, and what I have to offer. If there are no takers, it’s not really going to put a dent in my finish. I’m good. I’m happy.

BL

Dating Past Fifty

I’m 56. My career is well established. I have my house, and both my children are college graduates. (Thank God for that!) Recently, a good friend of mine met a very nice guy through one of those online dating services. This got me thinking. She’s considerably younger than I am, but if it worked for her, wasn’t there a chance it could work for me??

I’ve decided to give it a shot, and I’ve also decided to blog about my experiences. Who knows, maybe others will stop by and share their experiences as well. I hope so.

First: I’m a realist. Things on my body aren’t ever going back to their original, er . . . positions. Not without surgery that is. While filling out my profile and reading the profiles of the men who looked interesting, I can’t help but be discouraged. Men want slender and toned. I’m not huge by any means, and I exercise regularly. I’m healthy, not on any meds, active, and normal. I look at their pictures, and I think, “How can YOU be so picky? You’re by no means slender and toned yourself.” So I send me winks anyway, and get rejected.

Hah! I’ve had emails from men who are way younger than my stated age range, and they’re all from other states. My profile distance range is 50 miles, so what’s up with that? Today I answered one of the emails and flat out asked why he’d contacted me. He’s 12 years my junior, and he lives half the country away. I’ll let you know what his response is.

I’ll keep you posted. Dating past fifty is proving to be a challenge.

THE JOURNEY

Last fall, eight writers from a variety of backgrounds, genres and locations were thrown together by fate to compete in the American Title V contest sponsored by Dorchester Publishing and ROMANTICTimes magazine. The journey began.

For some the journey spanned months, for some . . . weeks. No matter the duration, all of us learned a great deal, built a readership, relationships and gained some name recognition that will surely benefit our career goals in the future.

All of us thought it would be a good idea to take a look at what we’re doing now that ATV is behind us before bidding this blog farewell. I’d like to say that it’s been a real thrill and a pleasure to be thrown into the mix with such a talented group of writers. Congratulations to all of us, and may we all grab that brass ring very soon!

As for me, I’m concentrating on my newest work in progress. I’ve started entering the contest circuit again, and I’m happy to say I already have two finals under my belt. If anyone is interested in reading the first chapter of LEGEND OF THE DRUID LAIRD, please visit my website:

www.barbaralongley.com

For now, I’ve queried TRUE TO THE HIGHLANDER to a number of agents and plan to begin submitting to editors once my school year ends.

How about the rest of you? What’s new and exciting in your life post American Title V?

Edie Ramer:
Edie Ramer:
It’s been great getting to know the other talented and terrific finalists. This has been an amazing ride, and I’m thrilled to have been a part of it. Though the contest is over, love is still conquering. I finished the first draft of my sci fi romance and I’m going through bouts where I’m ecstatically happy and know it will sell, and bouts where I’m scared that it won’t.

I can’t wait to tackle the revisions. I love revisions — catching plot glitches, adding insights and tension, polishing the writing until it shines. Thanks to classes by C.J. Redwine and Cindy Carroll, I have the query and the logline. Next month I’m going to a conference — and I’m ready! I’m like one of the American Idol contestants who says, “You ain’t seen the last of me.”

Evonne Wareham

It’s sad to say goodbye to something that has been fun – but I hope you haven’t heard the last of any of the writers who have contributed to this blog. Ladies, I salute you – great contestants, great internet friends and here’s to the cyber champagne when the day comes when we have all sold. Maybe we’ll re visit the blog, just for the moment.

What am I doing next?  I have a cosy crime that I am working on, just for fun, a heroine who has her hands full with a portfolio of jobs, three prospective suitors and a serial killer with literary ambitions, set in a fictitious part of London, between the Embankment and the King’s Road in Chelsea. I am having a good time with it and hope that it may eventually have the potential to become a series.  I also have the first outline of a brand new romantic suspense bubbling. I think this one may end up a block buster – a deadly treasure hunt, Victorian paintings, a hero who is trying to remake his life and a heroine who is trying to forget her past. Provisionally titled The Camelot Game. I have a whole lot of research to do before I can even start it – but I love research. It’s the writing that’s the hard part.

Qaey Williams

The last six months or so have been an amazing journey. I’ve learned a lot from these seven ladies and I have no doubt you’ll be hearing from all of us soon. Saying goodbye is hard, but we know where to find each other.

As for what I’m doing–I have my fourth book, Diablo Blanco Club: Under Control, releasing through Loose Id, LLC on May 26th and I’m getting ready for school to end so I can spend the summer researching and writing.

Currently I have two books I have to finish writing (both about 25,000 words long) and two more I’ve had sitting on the back burner waiting for attention.

Wishing you all a happy Mother’s Day and good writing!

Michelle Lauren

Wow! This has been such an incredible journey for me and I’m sad to see it end (or at least take a hiatus). However, I know we will keep in touch and that our futures hold many great writing opportunities.

I have several projects in the works right now, including another novella about a sassy, unlucky-in-love siren who finds love in an expected place. I also have two short stories that are in the revision stage but will [hopefully] be ready to get shopped to a publisher within the next month.

Happy writing to you all!

Marie-Claude Bourque

Yes, what an incredible journey this as been and how honored I have been to have shared it with such talented writers. I can truly say that I have learned from everyone of them, whether from their posts on this blog, or from their success is the writing world.

What am I doing now? Well, I did fall of the face of the earth for a few weeks now after having been so visible in the last months and I feel extremely guilty about it, but it seemed I needed to refueled myself to keep myself going forward, and I usually do this by retreating into myself and journaling. Before I tackle the edits for Ancient Whispers, I am planning to finish the sequel, Ancient Whispers. And lately, I have been having some great brainstorming sessions with friends about a Steampunk Urban Fantasy I have been passionate about for a while. Blogging wise, I am focusing on my group blog Musetracks, geared to newer writers and I have teamed with a bunch of Steampunk writers for a group blog, called Steamed! at http://ageofsteam.wordpress.com/

Wishing everyone much satisfying writing!

Jessica Darago

Like everyone else here, I feel changed by the journey we’ve all been on. It’s been a bumpy but welcome transition back to “normal” life, whatever that means. I’m working hard on research for my next two novels and, to be honest, just putting my feet up and relaxing with some good books — reading them, that is. I’m so grateful for everything I’ve experienced, and especially for the friendship of the seven amazing writers I got to share this time with.

Tamara Hughes

It’s been an honor to take part in the American Title V competition with such wonderful and talented ladies.  I am sure someday we will each have books for sale.

Since the end of this contest, I’ve been focusing on my next book “Bewitching The Beast,” an urban fantasy romance.  I also attended the Romantic Times Booklovers convention in Florida and had a great time.  While there I met readers, booksellers, authors (both aspiring and published), the Romantic Times staff, agents, and editors.  In fact, I had the opportunity to pitch to an editor, and received a request for chapters from my new book.  This was an awesome conference, and I look forward to going again.  www.tamarahughes.com

What Influences Your Writing?

You can’t wait for inspiration.  You have to go after it with a club.  ~Jack London

Creative constipation. AWOL Muses. Inspirational drought. Any way you say it, writer’s block is bad news and – just like robocallers and debt collectors – it always strikes at the worst time.

Like when you’re under a deadline. Or three.

What causes this phenomenon? This article by David Taylor offers some interesting theories. My favorite is this:

Writers are sometimes not ready to write

Perhaps the hardest thing about writing is not knowing what to write…he key to knowing what to write is knowing the format of the thing you’re writing.

Imagine trying to make a chair without any concept of what one looks like or what its purpose is. Yet everyday I work with writers attempting to do just that: to create a how-to article, novel, short story, essay, business letter, or even screenplay without knowing it has a seat, legs and back designed to support the weight placed on it.

Some say the best way to overcome a fear is to face it head on. In my experience, the same goes for writer’s block. When I get stuck on a story, I use these Three Tricks to Woo My Muse:

• Concentrate on the secondary characters.

Secondary characters are lots of fun to write. Not only do they provide comic relief, but they can also provide insight into the main character’s back story. An upside is that well-crafted secondary characters often inspire sequels/series [see below]

• Sharpen the creative focus.
  

Writing a chapter too daunting? Try an interlude. Anything from a passage of dialogue, to an action sequence, to a love scene can work. The purpose is to get back in the habit of writing. Often times, once I’ve finished an interlude, I consider its place in the main plot and continue writing from there. Any pieces that don’t fit can be cleaned up during the revision stage.

• Start a new project.
  

Some stories aren’t ready to be written. Or, perhaps, the story you’re writing isn’t the story you’re meant to write. This was the case with me a year ago. I was ¾ through an urban fantasy when writer’s block struck. Big time.

I simply ran out of plot. But I loved the characters so much that I couldn’t let them go. So I took a minor character – mentioned only briefly in the outset of the story – and decided to write something off the cuff for her. That character was Siren Jones, the unlucky in love harpy from How to Tame a Harpy, which became an American Title V finalist in 2008.

So how do YOU combat writer’s block?

**Find more articles on the craft of writing or the publishing industry HERE. Want to know more about my work? Visit me at www.michellelaurenbooks.com. **

We have a winner!

It’s official – Marie Claude is the winner of the last American Title contest, with her paranormal romance Ancient Whispers.  Eight have us have journeyed together since last October, knowing there could only be one winner. We’ve had a great time along the way and now it’s time to say congratulations MC from everyone here at Love Conquers. The art work is stunning and the book will be on the shelves early in 2010.

The whole thing was made possible by Dorchester Publishing and Romantic Times magazine. Thanks to them for a fabulous contest. We all had a ball.

The Art of Spam

Quick reminder: The contest to win a copy of my urban fantasy Starstruck: Hunter (Available from Liquid Silver Books) ends next Thursday. If you haven’t entered yet, please take a moment to comment on THIS post, telling me what you love about urban fantasies. Make sure to include a valid email address so I can contact you if you win.

Okay, on to today’s topic: The Art of Spam.

No, I don’t mean the mystery meat. I mean spam.

Webster’s Online Dictionary defines it as:

“Unsolicited, usually commercial, e-mail sent to a large number of addresses.”

In layman’s terms, spam is the junk clogging up your Inbox every morning, offering you free Viagra; the chance to bail out a previously unknown but very rich relative in Nigeria; or, in my case this morning, the chance to find “age-appropriate lingerie.” Huh? What exactly is age-inappropriate lingerie?

While spam isn’t a new thing, I’ve noticed an increase in the strangeness of the spam messages landing in my Inbox lately. Ironically — or, perhaps, diabolically — most of the spam seems targeted toward men with certain body image issues. So I searched the internet and found some links to hilarious spam emails:

http://www.spamhumor.com/page/Penis+Enlargement+SPAM?t=anon

http://www.brianbaute.com/?p=1015

After viewing the subject lines in the second link, the subtlety used by these spammers continues to astound me. (Yes, that was sarcasm. But I had to laugh out loud at the subject “What she REALLY wants for Christmas.”

What are some of the weirdest spam emails you’ve received?

Cosmic Timing

by Marie-Claude Bourque

Since I am frantically packing for RT today, ready to join Tamara who is already there, I decided to refer you to another blog instead of writing my own.
Like most, I was awed and brough to tears by the Susan Boyle video but I never realized that she did have a shot at success 10 years ago and never made it then. And now, somehow planets align themselves right and she will probably have her dream realized.
And since I hear so many rejection stories these days, including my own, the post this week by Toni McGee Causey really striked a chord in me. Yes, there is a certain cosmic element in all success, yes great talents (like Ms Boyle or many aspiring writers out there) can be overlooked.
So if we are rejected, it may just be that the timing wasn’t right.
Persistence however can pay off. There is no guarentee, but a lot more chance to make it happen than if one quits!

So take heart and read “How do You Know When to Quit” by Toni McGee Causey